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Battle Royal(e): Diabolical Deeds 101

Greetings, underlords of the Underworld. Take a seat. No, not that one, that’s my trapdoor seat and I have a very itchy trigger finger when it comes to big red buttons. Mind the stalagmites. And the pressure plates, the motion sensor, the acid sprayer and the various traps around the room. To be honest, I’d just stay in the center if you don’t want to get hurt.

I am the dwarf supervillain-ry instructor supreme, using a hologram projector to appear as a lowly human king. As a low-level underlord, you must be looking to expand your power-base through the Frost Arena. I expect you’re looking for some tips, but I warn you: my advice, unlike my construction plans, does not come cheap. I expect at least 10% of the world once you have conquered it in return. Fine, 8%, you wily swindler you.

Welcome to Diabolical Deeds 101, the perfect course for underlords such as yourself. Here we plot the downfall of heroes, conjure up nefarious schemes of the highest caliber and most importantly, learn how to turn a tidy profit from the misfortune of others.

Now for lesson one, which I call Advanced Basics: How to Triumph Over a Treasury, or, how to get away with the loot with your head intact. Other body parts remaining intact is also preferred.

Unfurls construction plans, laying them out on the desk.

If you’ll look here, here and here. It should be very obvious how to follow the blueprint. What? You need it explained to you? Do I look like a minion to you? Slate, over here— explain it in layman’s terms. Use small words.

SMASH OPPONENT’S FACE. BULK UP. SMASH AGAIN. READ. HERE.

Construction Plans: Storm Reaper

Champion: Bertram Cragraven

Troops (32)

2x Phoenix Guard Trainer
4x Storm Colossus
3x Technical Genius
4x Elite Pyromancer
4x Scraptech Brawler
2x Mentor of the Song
4x Mindcaller
2x Phoenix Guard Messenger
4x Reaper Bot
3x Slaughtergear, Renegade War Factory

Actions (7)

4x Polymorph: Dingler
3x Crackling Bolt

Resources (21)

9x Sapphire Shard
12x Ruby Shard

Equipment:

The Dingler’s Hood (Polymorph: Dingler)
Vestments of Acumen (Mindcaller)
Morphing Footwraps (Polymorph: Dingler)
Mechanical Sarcophagus (Reaper Bot)
Sword of Sapphires (Storm Colossus)

…Thanks. You are dismissed. Permanently. Picks up sniper rifle, inserts ruby shard and fires.

Sorry about the mess. Anyway, as my minion Slate so in-eloquently explained before his… untimely demise, your primary strategy begins with tunneling a Scraptech Brawler and using Mindcaller (now granting cost -2). Lay down as many Technical Geniuses as you can fit on the board, lowering the cost of Slaughtergear and Reaper Bot, then use these to defeat your opponent.

Storm Colossus can turn into a sapphire shard in your opening hand if you so choose, meaning you have much more flexibility curve-wise. It also can be a pretty hard-to-remove substitute for Slaughtergear and Reaper Bot too, having both flight and spellshield.

Reaper Bot can resurrect your troops if it manages to hit, which becomes a lot easier when used with Crackling Bolt and the now 3-cost cantrip removal Polymorph: Dingler

Mentor of the Song and the other 3-cost troops are not just useful once; when you use Elite Pyromancer and/or Phoenix Guard Trainer to inspire them, they become devastating in their own right. Also consider just playing, not tunneling, Scraptech Brawler after using these cards and then playing more 3-cost cards on the same turn.

*GROAAAAAN* One second. Fires again, noise stops. Much better. I can’t stand people who aren’t me yapping on too much.

As always, I would recommend approaching from underground right in the middle of the enemy base or treasury. I’ve marked a map here with prime targets—that I can part with for a measly 200,000 platinum. No? Alright then, back to the plans. Using Crackling Bolt should increase your Worker Bot production for Slaughtergear‘s assembly line, but bear in mind: the Reaper Bot can be turned into a War Hulk while still retaining any stat buffs. Your opponent looks like they’ll block with a measly 1/1? Not such a wise idea if you can use Slaughtergear to boost its stats by 2/1 and give it crush!

Any suggestions for the time we have left for this lesson? I had prepared some notes, but they caught fire during testing. You there, the tall, dark, handsome man wielding the blood-stained scythe? Any suggestions?

Another construction plan? Greedy, aren’t we? An admirable trait to be sure, but give me a second. Ah, here it is, stolen straight from an Adamanthian Citadel. Hence the disguise. Blasted thing won’t come off!

Always good to steal battle plans. Give them a taste of their own medicine, mix it with a little poison, slip it into their… sorry, I was daydreaming for a second there.

Now I’ll just get Slate to… where did he go? Was he over… oh, I remember, I can get another minion later. Cheaper if you buy in bulk, you know.

This may seem… similar to my other plans, but thievery is a respected part of our business. Saves on scrap if you can use the same thing twice, too. Just make sure it doesn’t get too scratched up the first time. Unless, well, you want to see more explosions. Which is understandable.

Adamanthian Battle Plans Construction Plans: Righteous Raincaller

Champion: Dimmid

Troops (32)

2x Adamanthian Scrivener
4x Righteous Paladin
3x Bird O’ Plenty
4x Storm Colossus
3x Mentor of the Song
4x Mindcaller
3x Phoenix Guard Messenger
3x Incantation of Righteousness
3x Incantation of Ascendance
3x Droo’s Colossal Walker

Actions (8)

4x Polymorph: Dingler
4x Crackling Wit

Resources (20)

12x Diamond Shard
8x Sapphire Shard

Equipment:

The Dingler’s Hood (Polymorph: Dingler)
Vestments of Acumen (Mindcaller)
Morphing Footwraps (Polymorph: Dingler)
Benjamin’s Orb (Crackling Wit)
Ink-Stained Gloves (Adamanthian Scrivener)
Sword of Sapphires (Storm Colossus)

The strategy here is the same in parts, with the ability to lower high costs with Mindcaller. But here the focus is on healing and drawing. Not our standard fare, I know. But for once those idiotic humans have managed to come up with something usable—by sheer luck I’d imagine.

This deck also has the ability to stall if you need it too, until you get something much stronger out. Once an Incantation transforms, so do the rest of yours in all zones, so if you can draw into them you are very much in the money.

That’s all for today’s lesson. Now get out—I have a Traps and Torture class to teach in ten minutes and half of you are sitting in the laser array.

…on second thought, why don’t you stay awhile longer?

Hextcg addict, Fiveshards PvE-orientated writer, know-it-all. Follow me on twitter for terrible jokes and Hex news/info: https://twitter.com/HexKingGabriel

2 Comments on Battle Royal(e): Diabolical Deeds 101

  1. Loving the write-up KG, amazing =)

    • Glad you liked it! This might not be the last we hear from the underworld …especially if I have my way… *evil laugh*

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